Category Archives: Mom-child trust

open with my child

To be open with my child

I wish I could be as open with my child as possible. However, there are certain topics mom doesn’t need to share with her growing kids. Is is possible to build trust without revealing everything?

How open does a mom have to be when it comes to her personal life?

So, your daughter wants to know how things work in this life and she doesn’t mean electricity or space. It’s more about: relationships, love/hate, soups, children, mice and dirty socks.

As a mom, I know I have to be open, honest and authentic. I feel extremely proud, that she chose me as her primary source of information. I try to do everything to make sure she will not regret it. But on the other hand, how open does a mom have to be when it comes to questioning about her personal life?

What if mom does not want to tell everything? She can:

  • hide, by giving abstract meaningless answers or change the subject in a delicate way.
  • be honest and say: I prefer to keep this to myself. Everyone has the right to keep secrets period.

Naturally, as an honest and straightforward mom I’m choosing the second option. It took me time to get there, though. It did not seem so obviously right at first. “What’s the problem to be open with my child”, I asked myself. Here is the thing: there is no problem to pour your soul out as long as you feel comfortable about the possible consequences. The feeling of complacency is the indicator that things are going right. Once a mom has this uneasy feeling, this little “stop” sign that lightens up, that is the time to stop.

Does it actually mean a mom does not trust her kids?

Trust is one of the most important things, and the most vulnerable ones, too. It’s so hard to build and so easy to ruin.

Once mom keeps secrets from her children in an open way, it may convey a wrong message: “kid, I don’t trust you”.

Is it so, I’m asking myself? Can mom always be 100% sure her little one will keep the secret to themselves? And what happens if not?

These are tough questions with no ready answers. 

So here is bunch of reasons why being open with my child does not mean telling absolutely everything.

  • The desire to avoid accidental leak of information (friends, relatives, social networks).
  • The desire to avoid later discussion on the painful topic.
  • Shame of sorts (yes, once moms were young, brave and stupid reckless).
  • The fear of misunderstanding, misinterpretation (we are talking about age of 10 and up. People of the new generation might have a totally different view on a seemingly “obvious” situation their mom has been to).

Plus, this inexplicable factor of uneasiness to talk about a certain subject when it comes to personal life. (Why? Because).

Altogether – the conclusion is – if mom doesn’t want to share she does not have to. Just like her growing kids don’t necessarily have to share everything (and they won’t, take my word).