Tag Archives: self-observation

the feeling of guilt

The feeling of guilt

The feeling of guilt is something every mom experiences once in a while. Mom that prospers in an office, stay-at-home mom that makes (or bakes?) doughnuts for the entire class on a special event, and mom who doesn’t do both. It’s only a matter of degree, how far is each mom willing to go and kill herself for doing something wrong or not doing something right.The root of this feeling, though, lays far beyond “mom’s feeling of guilt”. It’s more of an overall, overwhelming feeling of guilt, something that is dragged from the childhood, from bad education, from bad examples and bad teachers. But in this post I am going to focus on the feeling of guilt that grows in mom’s head, which is related to her children.

Where does the feeling of guilt come from?

Lack of self-appreciation

The feeling of guilt comes with lack of self appreciation. Lack of self appreciation comes with negative emotions. Negative emotions come with tasteless thoughts. Tasteless thoughts come with lack of consciousness (who let them in? Have you? Or have they made their way in with no permission?)

The feeling of guilt grows exponentially as a result of physical and emotional exhaustion. When nothing shines inside, when there are no ideas, no dreams and no energy. All there is are these kids running and jumping around.  And there are all the others: other moms, grand-moms, friends, unknown agents advisers and tons of other energy-suckers who have the best intentions (beware, beware, beware!) to help the poor, unqualified mom to manage her shaky life. All these unwanted guests add weight to the feeling of guilt like a huge, rotten cherry on the top of a sour cream on a outdated cookie. You got the metaphor.

Broken pattern

For the first time in her life mom has tried something new. She deeps her toes in cold water: a new job, a new project, a new dress (toes?) – it does not matter what it is. Mom, who has previously dedicated all her time most of her time to her kids suddenly takes a leap aside. Her kids, at that time, stay with the nanny, the grandma, the husband, the partner, the cat – anyone, who, naturally, is not qualified enough to treat them as they deserve to be treated (it’s all in mom’s head, definitely).

Another example is when moms scream break their patterns of behavior.For example, I see myself as a calm and caring mom. Therefore, occasional outbursts can make me feel really bad about myself. How could a meditating, balanced and conscious mom like myself break down, shout at her kids and send them to bed right away? Yep, these things happen to the calmest moms.

Secret Pride

Pride is in a way related to the previous reason – breaking the behavioral pattern. Some moms consider themselves flawless and feel secretly proud about themselves. Something they would, typically, never admit. Whether they do or do not fully acknowledge their secret pride, it is still there.Once the image of the perfect mom is distorted, for whatever reason, mom feels devastated to an extent. She has less reason to be proud of herself. She has come down from the Olympus to the harsh reality – she is the ordinary, human mom now. Ouch.

 

Why is it important to get rid of the feeling of guilt?

 

The feeling of guilt is like a worm, eating the mom from the inside. It does not let her concentrate on what is really going on at the moment. It throws her to the past over and over again, sucks her energy in gallons and adds pain and agony to what has already been experienced. Therefore, in order to make the right conclusions and go on with life, it is vitally important to cut any slightest feeling of guilt. Learn the lesson – yes. Eat myself up about it – no.

 

Techniques to kill the feeling of guilt.

There have been many teachers in my life who said “get inside this pain, feel it to the bones and then it will disappear”. Well, it does not work for me, or at least has not worked so far. Once I plunge into the pain, it becomes a never-ending story of chewing the agonizing gum of upsetting memories.

So here are my personal techniques, and maybe, they will work for you too. Consistency, as always, is the secret weapon that makes things work.

Here is what I tell myself on the rare occasions when feeling of guilt strikes me (not necessarily in this order):

 

  1. I might have been wrong as I see it now. But back then I reacted as my mind told me. I was conscious of myself (was I?), and this outburst was completely in time. Life is still good.
  2. Children know their mom is human and she gets angry. I am not a raging mom on a permanent basis. The way I expressed myself was not perfect, but it happened so. Let it be.
  3. This outburst was a good lesson for me. I let it happen because I was tired and exhausted. The lesson I have learned is – plan my day in a better way. Let myself have some more time alone. Save more energy for the evening when everybody is more tired and things might heat up.

And the most important mantra: I am still the very good mom. There will be tomorrow when we’ll have the chance to start a new day with the lessons learned. My children have learned their lesson and I have learned mine.

 

life scenario

Breathing techniques for tired moms

The overwhelming, hectic and messy day routine brings mom to hell an unbalanced state. All she wants is to drop down somewhere (bed is the best option but other options such as carpets, armchairs and sofas fit as well). Here is where simple breathing techniques can save the mom’s world.

Imagine this: a mom is surrounded by her dearest little ones. Each kid is in a different mood producing appropriate sounds: loud, demanding, complaining, even crying. Mom’s task: to remain calm, solve the problem, remain calm. Repeat, if necessary.

I’ve learned to catch this tiny moment when “remain calm” mantra stops working and turns into “get wild”. It starts somewhere in the chest, around the 4th chakrah. The breath does not flow as easily as it should. And from here, there are only a few steps to the “wild” state.

Here are three simple breathing techniques I use to retain the balanced mood and prevent anger and frustration to take over.

breathing techniques

 

 

Breath 4-6 – when you are alone

Count till 4 while you breath in. Count till 6 while you breath out. The rule is simple: inhales are always shorter than exhales, even if you choose different numbers. The technique is good for quiet moments with yourself, but not for moments of acute stress. One important thing to remember is to stop for a second between the inhale and the exhale. This is the short moment when no breathing is taking place – this little suspension, the peak, the ultimate point between the ups and downs. As a part of the meditation, stop for a moment and recognize you are there. Relive this turning point when the inhale is already behind and the exhale has not started yet.

Do extra short exhales – for acute stress

breathing techniques

It is a yoga practice, which I like to use when I feel I’m approaching a totally wrong place. In moments of darkest despair and crazy fatigue it is the best thing after chocolate. The inhales take only fractions of seconds. The exhales are also super short and they require the belly to work hard. During this technique stomach works the most, releasing the negativity through the out-coming air.

Breath normally but consciously – for every situation

Watching the flow of air all the way up and down is a great relaxation practice before fatigue has reached its extreme point. When I am not in the mood to count 4-6, the best thing is just to allow the breath to make its natural way in and out. The most important here, is to watch this natural flow of air, keeping thoughts-of-the-day out if your mind.

It’s amazing, how many things can be achieved by simple breathing exercises, if practiced regularly. In the worst moments, it’s good to remember, that breathing is the most essential part of human existence. While it is possible to survive without food or water for a while, oxygen is an invisible companion following us in every life situation, good or bad. A totally basic thought, true. For me, however, these basic things are like beams of light in a dark attic.

money saving

3 things I would never buy for my newborn

A newborn means a lot of joy, a bit less (but still a lot) of expenses and even less sleep.

“A lot of people will tell you advice like “sleep when the baby’s sleeping.” It’s good recommendation unless the baby sleeps when you’re driving! “

http://congratulationsto.com/baby_congratulations/funny_new_baby_quotes.php

I have been wondering recently where lays the root of this uncontrollable desire to spend more and more money on our children? Clothes, toys, educational posters, smart devices… are you in the club as well?

So here is the hypothesis:

The act of buying, the act of spending money on another kid-friendly gadget gives us an illusory feeling of satisfaction. Illusory, because we don’t really gain anything in the long run. Does your child really need all the bunch of toys and educational stuff you buy for him or her? How many devices are really being used for good? How many are stored idly somewhere in dark corners of the apartment? How many are you trying to resell on eBay?

Guided by these thoughts, I made a short list of three items, that I, personally, think parents don’t need. If you disagree, you are welcome to state your opinion in comments and I’ll gladly prove why you are wrong confront it.

1. Newborn swing (jumper, bouncer)

Why? Too expensive and short-termed.

Buying something so expensive (around $100 on Amazon without shipping fee) just for a few months use sounds inappropriate to me. Plus, as an experienced mother, I know a child will not really spend a lot of time in this thing. Why? Because all children really want is their parents’ attention. It’s not like you can relax in peace and quiet once your newborn is peacefully playing and entertaining himself in the swing. You will need to spend the same amount of time and energy as you would if you put your child in a regular baby car seat (you know, these semi-car seats intended for home use to carry the baby around) which can be purchased in perfect condition for 5$ on a second-hand market. So why spend $100?

Final conclusion: is not worth the money and is too short-termed for use.

2. Musical potty chairs –

Why? They are more like toys than real potty-training equipment. Some are even annoying.

Musical potty chairs are just another kind of useless toy and is something I can definitely live without saving myself about $30. Kids (well, my kids) got potty trained perfectly well using these regular cheap plastic potties without musical background and cheering sounds. Why do I think this item is unnecessary? Its cost-effectiveness is low if you think about the initial purpose. Plus, if you made a thorough research like I did, and read the cons and the pros for every hyped and branded potty there is on the market, you would find that the cons are not that negligible as they may seem. For example: slippery potty rings (the part where the child sits), music sounds that you CANNOT TURN OFF (unless you take the batteries out or smash the damned thing on the wall), lids, that don’t shut properly, music, that stops working after 4 weeks of use and so on.

Final conclusion: if you want another toy at home, go for it. But remember, that children learn perfectly well with a regular potty (it doesn’t have to be the cheapest plastic thing that slips and moves under your child, but you can find some decent, stable pot that will stay still and keep itself silent).

3. Baby food makers

Why? A simple gadget available in every human’s kitchen can successfully replace any baby food maker.

Ok, I know it may sounds like a revolutionary product that makes mom’s life much easier (ask any grandmother). However, as an experienced mother who raised kids deliberately not buying all these shaking devices, I’ll tell you what makes me step back when I see those fancy electric bottles, cups and blenders:

a. I want my kids to use their teeth and actually chew the food. Steel fork! A primitive great tool to mash and squash whatever is at hand. Here is a great article explaining why I am not the only weird mom one who thinks so

http://tribecanutrition.com/2015/03/textured-food (if the link does not work please let me know in comments).

b. I don’t want to waste time washing the electric device (yes, I know most are super easily cleaned. And still, to rinse a fork requires less brain activity and less movements).

“If you want to make good use of your time, you;ve got to know what;s most important and then give it all you’’ve got.” Lee Iacocca

http://sourcesofinsight.com/time-management-quotes/

I am sure every mom has her list of must-haves and things-she-will-never-buy.

The three items listed here –are my personal choice based on experience of raising several kids. I believe, that it goes far beyond the child’s list and that we don’t really need most of the things we spend money on (another USB? Another pair of shoes? Another book? Another set of clothes?)

It’s not a sin to buy these useless things that make you happy as long as you are conscious of what you are doing, knowing that it’s for the sake of shopping therapy only. As a mother and a woman I am guilty of that as well –buying stuff I don’t need just because I like to take my wallet out, open it, pay and then put it back into my bag. The only thing I am really trying forced to do is to minimize the financial damage and arise consciousness.

bubble

How to cut malicious thoughts during the day?

Why is it so important for mom to preserve her energy and keep her inner balance all the time?

The answer is so simple, I’m not even sure I have to write it, but, still:

  • Because children need happy mom
  • Because your partner will appreciate a happy wife/friend
  • Because you will feel very good about yourself being content

The order is purely accidental (I’m not saying that children are more important than your partner and you are the last one on the list. It just so happened, that I wrote it in this order).

So what’s the big deal about keeping our level of energy on its proper level?

The big deal is, that there are constant sources (people, events, THOUGHTS) that suck our energy. All the time. Unless you stay in focus on what’s going on, you might find yourself completely drained (sick, annoyed, depressed) by the end of the day.

I took three main sources who steal your energy (or better to say – you let them do it).

1. Energetic vampires: –

People, who are trying to get your reaction (read = energy) by provoking you, consciously or not. When these are your “friends”, it’s easier: just stop being their friends. But when these are your family members, it’s a more complicated case, since you are expected to love and care about your relatives.

There is a good old movie by Woody Allen called “Cassandra’s dream”

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0795493/plotsummary?ref_=ttmi_stry_pl

where the subject of “blood relationship” is taken to the extreme point: – an uncle offers two brothers to “get rid of” of an old connection, strengthening his case by “family ties”. The end is sad, but anyway, I like this movie, because it illustrates how far things can go if we don’t learn to stop whatever smells bad.

But there is the price for that.

The result? Some people might feel offended. Some family members might press you very hard, try to manipulate, plead into doing something that you feel that you hate. On the other hand? You retain your comfort, your energy, your good mood and your balance. You run your family the way YOU want, you raise your kids the way YOU want, in short – you are the owner of your life and no uncles, aunts, moms and dads can tell you what to do. It’s not only about learning to say “no”, but also saying “no” and feeling good about yourself.

2. Events.

–Sometimes we are dragged to take part in events we hate: family parties, weddings (this one is particularly annoying), a friend’s birthday party, social gatherings you feel obliged to attend and so on… Events always consider people, so it’s not the events but the certain people you don’t want to see. In cases when you cannot find the right excuse keep it as short as possible. Put a reminder, set an app with anonymous call or simply say that you must go. One hour, forty minutes -– you decide the minimal amount of time you can spend there without seeming to have escaped too soon.

The trap:

We always want to be nice and if nobody is leaving early it looks inappropriate to run away. But remember, that if you stay too long, the carriage will turn into a pumpkin. You will later regret having surrendered to the social pressure and having spent too much time in the wrong place and with the wrong people. So be nice to yourself first and stick to the minimal amount of time you have set to yourself in the first place (unless the circumstances have changed and you feel you enjoy it).

3. Self-destroying thoughts.

This one is almost impossible to control, but with the help of techniques you can tame the monsters and make them pass away slowly, like the wind blows clouds away. The conclusion that I have come to is: bad thoughts are often a result of our own bad physical condition: fatigue, sickness etc., and but not necessarily events. Why do I think so? Because, from own experience, we can take a lot of things easy when we’ve had a good night’s sleep feeling healthy and good about ourselves (how many times did you feel all these good things at the same time? Umm…)

The best way to keep malicious thoughts from sucking your energy is to catch the thought from the very beginning when it is sneaking into your mind but hasn’t done any serious harm yet. You can catch it by its tail and ask yourself: “Do I really want to think about it now? Am I the master of my thoughts or are thoughts controlling me?” If this is not a problem-solution thing but a sticky, disturbing situation, out of your control, that can stretch like a muddy shield blocking the sunshine, better cut it off right away. (Will talk about my own techniques of cutting malicious thoughts later on in this post ).

As a bottom line:

No matter what beast empties your energy, one thing is sure:– you should not allow this to happen. If there is a specific problem: go on, do some brainstorming and look for a solution once and for all. But if it’s a vague situation where you feel you are dragged into self-accusing, self-punishing thoughts  shake it off sharply, without mercy.

How to shake off thoughts that suck mom’s energy?

I use some very simple techniques. The amazing thing about these techniques is, that you can practice them without interrupting most of your daily routine.

  • Count your breath: Breathing is something we do as long as we live, and I appreciate every breath I take. Counting the in-s and out-s is a good method when combined with some automotive task (cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping) or when trying to fall asleep. Make sure you reach 300 (I’ve never made it that far, by the way).
  • Speak mantras: make up your own or take ones that already exist. Any words that help you – work for good, as long as they are not intended to hurt a specific person (words have power, beware). For example: “Do I want to be calm and happy or nervous and sick? Of course I want to be calm and happy!”

These words don’t have to be wise or sound smooth and spiritual. Their purpose is to help you and no one hears and judges your eloquence.

I mentioned only these two techniques, because they are simplest to follow for a busy mom. There are other great ways to empty yourself from junk, but those require a resource most moms can’t brag about –- time.

So, while my kids are small, I choose to save my time and my energy and, simultaneously, be the boss of my own life, as much as possible. Wishing you, my readers, the same.

inspiration

The unknown school girl who inspires me

Every time I take my daughter back from school I see school children from older classes (about 13-14 years old) who share the same bus and we always sit opposite to each other. Two girls and two boys. I like watching them laugh, joke and flirt with each other. It’s refreshing to remember oneself in this age and I wonder where it has gone.

One of the girls looks like a potential movie star:– ideal face features, tanned skin, sunny smile. Of course she is fully aware of it and uses the opportunity to spread the light of youth and energy to every direction (my direction gets the most since I sit quite close).

So every time I feel like an “old”, heavy mom burdened with endless duties, the image of this happy girl emerges in my imagination. I see her spotless, untouched joy of life and some portion of it gets inside me, too. I become her for a while.This is what I call positive inspiration.

Mom needs a constant source of inspiration, even if she is a bookkeeper.

Life with children is a marathon with dubious reward in the end. Expecting dividends of any kind is very wrong at its basics (my opinion), but we still secretly do, don’t we? We expect our kids to be this and that, we expect our life to look this and that. Some of us even think that we actually deserve something. This is where disappointment hits the most. Who knows what waits for an elderly mom:– caring, loving kids or dispassionate, indifferent adults who sometimes share the same last name with her.

That’s why I reach the obvious conclusion time and time again: it’s best to cherish the present, to dive into every given moment I spend with my children here and now. To worry less about the future and care more about what I do today to make our moments together vivid and memorable.

Every one of us can find these little sources of inspiration – if we only look closer. You don’t have to work hard: the muse of joy is light and natural, it will find you if you let it.

Once my current source of inspiration fades, I will surely find another.

“

Two men looked out from prison bars,

One saw the mud, the other saw stars.”

Dale Carnegie

thinking monkey

Moms, chocolate and solitude

summer bunny

A couple of days ago I met a friend of mine, whom I haven’t seen all summer. She has three kids, and though her general appeal is very attractive, the way I remember her is: balancing between being enormously tired and trying to look content. There are no other ways multitasking moms can look.

But this time when I met her for a glass of lemonade on a hot summer day, I noticed an alien light shining through her eyes, the skin looked fresh (makeup?) and there was an overwhelming look of victory in every gesture, movement and glimpse.

This is what a three-day child-free vacation can do to a mother. The short but rewarding tour was a present from her husband, who decided once in a long time to be generous and bring his wife 10 years back in time.

Not sure how long the effect will last, but one thing I am sure about: we all, mothers, need some time alone with ourselves where its only me and strong WI-fi connection.

What are the ultimate benefits of not seeing your child for a few days? I’ll name the obvious ones –and you are welcome to add the rest in comments.

1. You get some good night’s sleep.

sleeping dog

Even if your kids are big, they can still be night trouble-makers. Some kids like to share their parents’ bed (I see absolutely no problem with that, let’s argue about it in the next post). Some kids drink all your juices before falling asleep (a couple of fairy tales ple-e-e-ase, a midnight stand-up show they expect from you, then there is “mom-bring-me-some-water”, “mom-I-am-scared”, etc., etc.). So. When you are isolated, you can finally sleep in whichever position you want and at the time you want (after taking long, undisturbed shower).

2. Kds start appreciating their mom.

We tend to take for granted what we have. It’s terribly unfair, but often moms, who do not spend the entire time of their life with kids, are remembered as better moms. A short break from the routine is a good reminder that things do not last forever, that things can be different. Kids feel it very well, and don’t worry about hurting their feelings: it will take a lot more than 2-3 days to ruin anything (of course I’m not talking about kids under the age of 2-3 or super-sensitive/hyper-whatever kids).

3.  The “wow” effect on your husband/partner who starts appreciating you too.

All the “invisible” housework a woman carries on everyday without complaining: the magic of clean shirts, pairs of almost same socks, cooked food, visible floor (without supervision it gets covered extremely fast by pieces of Lego, clothes, paper, and small, sharp objects that cut into your bare feet in the middle of the night). So once your partner stays with the kids he will be, well, the one to do the laundry (we are not talking about romantic vacation, remember? It’s you and your laptop).

4. You view your own life from a different angle.

You have a rare chance to meditate, to NOT do things, to NOT worry – all your daily small and big house duties, concerns, thoughts and movements are frozen until the day you are back. For a couple of days you are back to your very old self, when you were a high school student, a teenage girl and could spend hours however you like. We, mothers, tend to completely neglect this part.

These are the obvious reasons I see for taking a short break, but there are surely more.

Now the practical guide: –how to make things happen.

There is no fairy who will turn a pumpkin into a carriage and bring servants to look after your kids. The good news is, that it is much easier to organize than it might seem.

First, decide where approximately you want to stay and for how long. Remember the main purpose: isolation, meditation and rest. If there are other things in your mind, like sightseeing, tours and restaurants, than the potential destinations will be different. So first, focus on your purpose: do you want to spend 2-3 days in blessed solitude with no crowded folks around, no buses, luggage and similar tourists\ attributes? Then look for a non-expensive quiet location and good, home-style hotel.

A hotel or an apartment? How to choose.

I personally would prefer a hotel with good breakfast included. I always read people’s reviews on breakfasts and I recommend you to do the same unless all you want to have is a piece of white bread with suspiciously-looking apricot jam (happened to me in a 4-star hotel). But it’s up to you: some people prefer having their coffee in a nearby cafe so hotel breakfasts are not a big thing for them. No matter what you choose, there is an important thing to bear in mind, from my own experience: while it’s obvious (to me, at least) that you don’t want to spend a fortune on this trip, don’t choose the cheapest hotel, just for the sake of it. Better pick a 3 star family run hotel with good reviews rather than 4 star hotel with worse feedback. The interior of the place you are staying in is one of the most important things: you should have this cozy homely feeling while staying there. So spend some time on research, read the reviews, look at the pictures, don’t give it up only because it’s a bit pricey. After all, it’s not like you’re taking this vacation every week.

Should I plan my time or just let it flow?

It’s a tough question, because planning contradicts the initial purpose of pure meditation and diving into yourself. On the other hand, being completely alone with yourself without knowing where to throw your body for the next 7 hours can be hard for some people. Especially moms who are used to continuous and often useless action. What I would advise it to check, just in case, what attractions and nice places exist around the place you are staying in. Parks? Museums? Open-air concerts? Even isolated villages can have nice sites but you must check for them in advance to avoid being stuck in the middle of nowhere with absolutely nowhere to go.

Who stays with the kids?

Organizing a proper care for the kids is no less important than your hotel, attractions and meditation. The best way for a mom to relax is to know that kids are in good hands. Ideally, if you do it during the weekend so your partner can take maybe one extra day off to cover your entire absence. Nannies, babysitters, grandparents, goblins– are a good additional help. Additional – is the keyword here.No matter how many helpers come and go there must be one captain on the ship, who will supervise and take control of all the action: the babysitting hours, the kids’ eating/sleeping/bathing schedule (not necessarily in this order). This is probably the time to take a risk and fully rely on your partner.

 

A few words for conclusion:

Before setting on this kind of vacation keep in mind, that there is no goal. Don’t set high expectations to avoid disappointment. Don’t think you’ll return enlightened, super-young or as a totally different person full of secret knowledge. This may happen and this may not. It depends on many factors, some of which you cannot predict. So my advice is – do your best in terms of choosing a place, preparing your kids and husband for your absence and – au revoir.

Mastering the skill of handling mom’s thoughts.

stones meditationWe take lots of things for granted without really paying attention. Health, income, blue skies, waking up every morning. Who has the time to put thought in all that when there are so many urgent tasks to take care of?

It’s only when we are about to lose or actually losing some of the good stuff, the thought strikes, but it’s too late.

One of mom’s healthy habits is learning to appreciate the “obvious” good things in life.

Here is my personal observation from my own life:

I see a mom entering a store with her child.

Her face is twisted, she is busy thinking about something or maybe has headache. Her child is jumping happily nearby but she doesn’t notice him. Is it taken for granted that she has a healthy child who has legs and arms, who can walk and jump? Is it taken for granted that this mom lives in a peaceful country and she doesn’t have to hide from bombs or suffer from hunger like millions of people? Is it taken for granted that she can afford to buy stuff she probably doesn’t need in a cosmetics department where I see her heading right from the entrance?

Why are the good things taken for granted but the bad things are always highlighted?

Since I’m the mom who likes to take action I decided to start the big change from myself.

frog change

The journey to the true being started long time ago but putting it into words isn’t an easy task – it took me a while to decide how to put it together nicely. I’ll break it into steps:

Step 1:

Creating a routine of watching one’s thoughts – any mom can do that, and kids can only help, since they constantly remind how messy life is, how useless lots of things are, how meaningless is everything (in a good way, I mean). Here is an example: mom cleans the table, child spills milk on it, mom cleans it again, then notices crumbs on the floor, she starts cleaning the floor, another child comes and accidentally steps on the accurate pile of crumbs ready-to-be-thrown into the garbage can. Mom has to start all over again. Do you see what I mean? Meaningless it is, and this is just an illustration, a reflection of everything we do. A super important project, a work plan, a diet or anything that looks important to you at this stage of life – on the big scale, it’s not more important than cleaning the bread crumbs. Remember, I said “on the big scale”, don’t catch me on this one.

Step 2:

After creating a healthy routine of watching one’s thoughts, a mom can start slowly pushing the thoughts in the right direction but never analyzing them too deeply (a very distracting and useless habit). By pushing thoughts into the right direction I mean actually planning the scenario of what is the next thing I am going to think about. Of course thins is not possible with kids screaming around, or when you are running late on the bus or any crazy thing of that kind. Once having mastered the skill, a mom can handle her thoughts pretty well even in stressful situations. It’s better to start practicing in calm environment though, better when you’re alone – spend the precious 10, 20, 30 minutes of solitude to watch the movie going on in your head. Some people call it meditation but you can call it white bunny if you like.

There are other steps but they are related to a more advanced stage of white bunny meditation (as you have guessed, it was all about meditation from the beginning of this article).