Why is it so important for mom to preserve her energy and keep her inner balance all the time?
The answer is so simple, I’m not even sure I have to write it, but, still:
- Because children need happy mom
- Because your partner will appreciate a happy wife/friend
- Because you will feel very good about yourself being content
The order is purely accidental (I’m not saying that children are more important than your partner and you are the last one on the list. It just so happened, that I wrote it in this order).
So what’s the big deal about keeping our level of energy on its proper level?
The big deal is, that there are constant sources (people, events, THOUGHTS) that suck our energy. All the time. Unless you stay in focus on what’s going on, you might find yourself completely drained (sick, annoyed, depressed) by the end of the day.
I took three main sources who steal your energy (or better to say – you let them do it).
1. Energetic vampires:
People, who are trying to get your reaction (read = energy) by provoking you, consciously or not. When these are your “friends”, it’s easier: just stop being their friends. But when these are your family members, it’s a more complicated case, since you are expected to love and care about your relatives.
There is a good old movie by Woody Allen called “Cassandra’s dream”
where the subject of “blood relationship” is taken to the extreme point: an uncle offers two brothers to “get rid of” of an old connection, strengthening his case by “family ties”. The end is sad, but anyway, I like this movie, because it illustrates how far things can go if we don’t learn to stop whatever smells bad.
But there is the price for that.
The result? Some people might feel offended. Some family members might press you very hard, try to manipulate, plead into doing something that you feel that you hate. On the other hand? You retain your comfort, your energy, your good mood and your balance. You run your family the way YOU want, you raise your kids the way YOU want, in short you are the owner of your life and no uncles, aunts, moms and dads can tell you what to do. It’s not only about learning to say “no”, but also saying “no” and feeling good about yourself.
Sometimes we are dragged to take part in events we hate: family parties, weddings (this one is particularly annoying), a friend’s birthday party, social gatherings you feel obliged to attend and so on… Events always consider people, so it’s not the events but the certain people you don’t want to see. In cases when you cannot find the right excuse keep it as short as possible. Put a reminder, set an app with anonymous call or simply say that you must go. One hour, forty minutes - you decide the minimal amount of time you can spend there without seeming to have escaped too soon.
We always want to be nice and if nobody is leaving early it looks inappropriate to run away. But remember, that if you stay too long, the carriage will turn into a pumpkin. You will later regret having surrendered to the social pressure and having spent too much time in the wrong place and with the wrong people. So be nice to yourself first and stick to the minimal amount of time you have set to yourself in the first place (unless the circumstances have changed and you feel you enjoy it).
3. Self-destroying thoughts.
This one is almost impossible to control, but with the help of techniques you can tame the monsters and make them pass away slowly, like the wind blows clouds away. The conclusion that I have come to is: bad thoughts are often a result of our own bad physical condition: fatigue, sickness etc., and but not necessarily events. Why do I think so? Because, from own experience, we can take a lot of things easy when we’ve had a good night’s sleep feeling healthy and good about ourselves (how many times did you feel all these good things at the same time? Umm…)
The best way to keep malicious thoughts from sucking your energy is to catch the thought from the very beginning when it is sneaking into your mind but hasn’t done any serious harm yet. You can catch it by its tail and ask yourself: “Do I really want to think about it now? Am I the master of my thoughts or are thoughts controlling me?” If this is not a problem-solution thing but a sticky, disturbing situation, out of your control, that can stretch like a muddy shield blocking the sunshine, better cut it off right away. (Will talk about my own techniques of cutting malicious thoughts later on in this post ).
As a bottom line:
No matter what beast empties your energy, one thing is sure: you should not allow this to happen. If there is a specific problem: go on, do some brainstorming and look for a solution once and for all. But if it’s a vague situation where you feel you are dragged into self-accusing, self-punishing thoughts shake it off sharply, without mercy.
How to shake off thoughts that suck mom’s energy?
I use some very simple techniques. The amazing thing about these techniques is, that you can practice them without interrupting most of your daily routine.
- Count your breath: Breathing is something we do as long as we live, and I appreciate every breath I take. Counting the in-s and out-s is a good method when combined with some automotive task (cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping) or when trying to fall asleep. Make sure you reach 300 (I’ve never made it that far, by the way).
- Speak mantras: make up your own or take ones that already exist. Any words that help you – work for good, as long as they are not intended to hurt a specific person (words have power, beware). For example: “Do I want to be calm and happy or nervous and sick? Of course I want to be calm and happy!”
These words don’t have to be wise or sound smooth and spiritual. Their purpose is to help you and no one hears and judges your eloquence.
I mentioned only these two techniques, because they are simplest to follow for a busy mom. There are other great ways to empty yourself from junk, but those require a resource most moms can’t brag about - time.
So, while my kids are small, I choose to save my time and my energy and, simultaneously, be the boss of my own life, as much as possible. Wishing you, my readers, the same.