Monthly Archives: June 2017

allocation of energy

Allocation of Energy – how to learn the skill?

Every mom knows when her energy boils down to emptiness. This familiar feeling when nothing matters anymore. It’s ok when is happens once in a while, can be even fun, in a way. But not when it becomes an unfriendly routine. Not when there are kids to take care of. Allocation of energy is a far-reaching strategy and tactics, that every mom must master (three times “m” is a pure coincidence).  Why? Because mom’s energy supply is limited, at least this is how it is known to me at this point of existence. I haven’t yet found an endless channel of abundant power and, therefore, I get greedy when it comes to my very own energetic resources.

Allocation of energy – says it all

There is no recipe for harmony.

However, the author of this blog is sharing her own, checked and proven ways to maintain balance of energies.

The key word is – right allocation of energy.

As I’ve  written here and in another post, the energy supply is limited. Therefore, mom should be extremely careful when she chooses to invest her energy in this thing or another. She is not a super-hero (only sometimes) and, therefore, must keep a finger on the pulse of everything – when to act and when to rest.

Allocation of energy means, that mom:

  • makes a billion of micro-decisions every few seconds.
  • keeps cool and weighs her words, intonation and decibels.
  • uses mental tools to supervise the situation (with kids, her tiredness, mess etc.)
  • knows when to let things go.
  • smells herself burning from fatigue and runs away into the chambers seconds before the explosion.
  • controls the expression of her face (eyes especially), her mimics and never fakes a smile.

There are these and many more. Today I discovered something: my kids can maintain their quarrels perfectly well, they can figure what was wrong, how to share and how to find a solution. It was an amazing experience to watch and learn from. And this too, is allocation of energy when I spare forces for other things rather than control their every step and every fight.

How to learn the skill of allocation?

It’s not a quick trick and it’s not something that one can learn from another. It’s a transcendental experience and comes from daily practice.

Still, there are a few basic questions that mom should ask herself  as guidelines:

Do I need to rest or can I go on?

Grabbing a 15-minute nap is always, always, always a blessing. I do it on every possible occasion and this way of allocating my resources works perfectly well. I rarely get a “normal” 8-hour night sleep but rather steal these short nappy moments that save me. This way I can not only “function” but even do luxurious things like knitting, cooking specialties, practice yoga and smile.

Do I really need to do what I do right now or is there a better plan?

Moms often run on autopilot and it’s completely normal. There is a ton of “autopilot” things for a mom to do, like laundry, picking up kids and so on. However, the automatic lifestyle might bring a mom to an unpleasant state when she starts doing everything on autopilot. Here is the turning point when a mom must ask herself – the soup that I’m cooking at the moment, the homework that I’m trying to help my child with, the windows that I suddenly decided to clean – is it all a part of my conscious choice or is it another output of the endless recursion of my autopilot life?

Do I feel pain or discomfort in any part of my body right now?

This is a very important element of mom’s healthy routine.  Moms tend to neglect themselves until they’re half dead, because there are other important things to do first, right? But my body is the working machine and it must work well. Listening to one’s body and catching its signals before it’s too late should be happening on the background in a continuous mode. Not only during meditation. (Or ,in other words: a healthy mom should be living in a meditative mode at all times). When any tiny discomfort is felt it may be a sign to act or not to act: to take a rest, to stretch joints, to take 5 deep breaths, to shake off thoughts (literally, shake your head and body, it helps), or many other movements that moms find useful. The worst thing to do is to ignore the signs of discomfort and postpone the activity for a “better time”.

Is there any particular disturbing thought making circles in my head?

Thoughts are like small tricky monkeys, jumping around, pretending to be nice. They control our thinking apparatus through inner dialogue, silently. Without knocking and asking for permission. Recognizing a disturbing thought is a halfway to heaven success. When a mom is not reading her thoughts but only acting emotionally she is at risk of getting involved in horrible situations: quarrels, fights, exhaustion, strong distaste of life and even depression. All that, only because there was something that was bothering her apriori but she was not aware. She only took the emotional output of the yucky thought and streamed (screamed?) with it. Bad, bad choice.

The author of this blog suggests her method – but as a suggestion only .  Gently massage the central point of your chest (right where the fourth chakrah is, for those who know) with the index, the middle and the ring fingers. If your inner state of mind is calm, you should not be feeling any intensive emotions. However, if this gentle massage arises stronger feelings and you seem to enjoy it immensely, it is a sign that something is disrupted and should be brought back to balance. Then do it. Keep on massaging the area until you don’t feel the need for it anymore. Nothing tricky, only requires attention and consistency.

Here is a recommended video by Danica McKellar, who is sharing her views on how to stay aware and make conscious choices. I advise to start watching from minute 2:20

 

first, second, third

Transformer-mom: first, second, third

First, second, third – this post is not about these brave moms who bring children with a very small difference of 1-2 years. My reality is different, I had had the time to taste the essence of motherhood with every child for a few years. And my way of accepting and rejecting has been changing dramatically as years flew by.

First things first

First child – take him, somebody, let me sleep. Please, I want to sleep. I want to do some shopping therapy. Make money. Blog, go out, be stylish, slim, pretty and fresh. Will my baby ever grow up? I want to do everything except being the 24-hour mom. This new mom uses every opportunity to sneak, evade and crawl away to get some fresh air. I look for nannies, private kindergartens, after-kindergartens activities – then I realize I want to be a good mom and it frustrates me even more. A vicious cycle with only one way out – understanding what I really want from life.

First child – there is so much hidden meaning in these two words. Lots of emotions, expectations, disappointment, frustration and joy. Rushing about between trying to be an ideal mom and wanting to escape to the nearest moon from the hassle. Asking myself – was I conscious when I made the decision to thrust myself into this spinning-wheel? Looking at the wheels of the stroller (pun intended) when walking and thinking that I must be somewhere on that wheel: being smashed and crushed every few minutes, getting up just to be crushed once again in a never-ending series called parenthood.

Middle Finger

Second child. O.K., this is hard. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced. It’s not even close to what it felt like with the first one, when I could get some morning sleep and afternoon nap. I can’t handle this. I can’t handle two small creatures running, shouting, breaking things and driving me insane. All I can do is look out of the window and feel jealous of the young girls who can go shopping hands-free. Yoga doesn’t help: I still don’t like the way I look and I am not calm. NOT CALM AT ALL! I still want to make money, to look good, to have enough sleep, to have some time for myself. I want to stretch time. But it is impossible. And I’m going totally insane. It’s amazing I can still function, smile, talk, run tasks and even make some money. I spend sleepless nights sending energies into the monitor, pretending I’m making a career. Time cannot stretch beyond itself and even the horrible sleepless nights spent in working end. And I’m a sponge. No time or energy for the two sweetest individuals who crave my attention. The feeling of guilt is far behind me, I did what I felt the right thing to do at the moment. But…

Third time is magic

Third child – what a blessing! Every moment is a gift. How come I am so relaxed, confident and happy? Where do I find the time to blog, to take care of myself, to have enough sleep (ehhh?…) to look good and feel even better? I wish I had started with the third one right away. Is it the timing? The age? The experience? Life conditions? Different environment? Or is it me and my inner world, having changed so drastically, that handling three of them plus a million of other tasks seems almost a routine pleasure?